Heavy Rain
by lydialyn
Summary: If you push someone too far, sooner or later they're gonna push back.
1. One

A/N:

The story continues the evening that episode 3x10 ends with. Right after Meredith visits her mother, she finds her way to Joe's for some soothing liquids. Meredith and Derek are not together after he walked away in episode 3x4. Everything else has more or less outplayed itself as in the original story. There will be some changes/slightly AU to the original storyline from now on and out, but I will try and explain as well as I can as the chapters are being added.

Mainly Addison/Meredith. Only mentions of Addison/Derek and Meredith/Derek. With a side of other pairings and characters. A bit of a coincidence with all the gayness but hey, who's complaining?

I hope you enjoy it, and please leave a comment!

* * *

Heavy rain calls for company. And whether it's the company of people you love or liquids you love, didn't really matter for Meredith Grey on this specific night. The odds were usually in the favor of the liquids being present, than the few people she would put in that category anyway. So there she was, drink in hand, at Joe's, mostly drunk on self-pity. For now.

«Y'know, Joe…» Meredith said with a gloomy stare while trying to shake the last drops of alcohol out of the ice cubes in her glass.

«People suck. Love sucks. And unconditional love? Nope. Not. Existing. There are _always _conditions. And loads of them! I mean, does a relationship _without _conditions even exist? Na-ah, I don't think so. Isn't the whole concept of a relationship that it's built on conditions? Built on certain dos and don'ts? Hell, yes! What a load of crap. I'm not buying it, that's for sure.»

New sip, while she slowly realized it wasn't possible to get anything more out of her glass. New ramble.

«And, there _definitely _is no such thing as happy endings. I mean, _hello_, something is clearly _ending _\- how happy can it be?! It is a flat out lie. Screw society for making fools out of its people, indoctrinating us with these lies. Lieees I say!» She pouted while signaling Joe to give her a new drink. He gently poured the liquor, and she couldn't seem to get it into her bloodstream fast enough. She yanked the half poured drink away from the bottle, making valuable drops of liquified indifference being misplaced on the bar counter without her even noticing. Or caring. You'd never know with Meredith Grey.

«To the awakening, my friend!» Meredith held up her glass in triumph, spilling some more, but this time only at herself.

«Aaand do not even get me started on _family _\- I'll destroy that fairytale for you in a matter of seconds,» she said with a gloating grin, almost as if she was truly taking pleasure in it. At that moment, she would tell a child on Christmas Eve that Santa Claus was a hoax with absolutely no hesitation, and it would have given her the same type of satisfaction.

«Well, Dr. Grey, I'm actually going to disagree with you tonight,» Joe said as he wiped the counter clean of both her spilled drink and her spilled self-loathing, and nodded in the direction of where his boyfriend, Walter, was sitting with a group of friends having what looked like a good time. Not that Meredith would recognize what a good time was these days.

«We have decided to go all-in with the happiness and unicorns and family fluff - we're thinking about kids now, checking into adopting and all that goes with it,» Joe continued and sent his partner a loving look before he laid a comforting hand on top of the tipsy doctor's hand. «So feel free to try, but you ain't bringing me down tonight, sweetheart.»

She managed to collect herself for a moment, as much as was possible considering her blood levels. «Oh, man. Sorry to rain on your pride parade, fella. Such a lucky kid, you two will make excellent dads.» She said it with a kind smile, while placing her other hand upon her heart, to emphasize how sincerely she meant it. He squeezed her hand before letting her go back to her drink, and the misery that followed.

«Not that I would really know what an excellent dad is, though...» she muttered to herself, in hopes that Joe didn't hear her. The sad look he gave her from over at the cash register suggested otherwise, though. She just couldn't help but completely dismantle every positive vibe that was sent her way today, it be either babies, or surviving patients, or a wizard's promise of eternal peace on Mother Earth. She knew better.

In the distance, she heard the front door open with some kind of spectacle related to it, but not really caring as the last thing on her mind was looking for company. Unless it was someone who was worse off than herself.

She needed to feel that her existence was not a total disaster right now, even if she knew it was. She needed someone, or something, to release her from this downward spiral. Or just someone who could just put her out of her misery. _Very dramatic. Very lame._

* * *

«Damn, we really needed this tonight, ladies!» Erica Hahn, Callie Torres, and Addison Montgomery stumbled into The Emerald City Bar to get away from the Seattle rain, while their hands and handbags and coats tried to cover as much of their body parts as possible. They made a big deal out of wiping and shaking off the shallow rain that still covered them, before they finally found themselves a table in the corner of the venue.

Addison had earlier the same day picked up on Erica's very not-so-subtle flirtation with Callie, and was amazed by the fact that Callie was _that _naive and did not take the cardiac surgeon's obvious hints. She thought she ought to be a decent wing woman and give them some space, as Addison wasn't in the mood for partying and dancing anyway. She didn't mind retreating to a table for herself with a glass of goods and her own thoughts, only to observe people in the venue messing up their hopes, dreams, and aspirations with too much alcohol. Therefore, she planned to sneak herself out of their peripheral vision eventually. _Out of sight, out of mind._

«Imma get us some drinks, any cravings?» Addison got up and backed slowly away from their table. «Surprise us!» They blurted simultaneously, before instantly looking at each other and giggling of their synchronicity. Addison shook her head and chuckled, knowing they would definitely be all focused on each other this evening, leaving her plan for invincibility to be easily executed in a short amount of time.

She walked towards the bar, still wearing her coat while trying to shake the last raindrops out of her still moist scarf. As she came closer, she saw a familiar pose sitting on a bar stool, holding a half-empty glass (any other day she might define it as half-full, but not today), accompanied by a couple of empty ones on the counter. It wasn't that crowded, which would indicate that the glasses probably hadn't been cleaned away yet due to rapid drinking over a very short amount of time, and not because Joe had a lot to do.

For a moment Addison slowed her pace towards the bar, hesitating without really knowing why. When the moment passed, she replaced the hesitation with a deep breath and continued towards the woman whose torso now was scattered over the counter, face down and hands out, in what Addison recognized as utter misery. She instantly felt her heart drop in a rush of sadness and sympathy for the woman, strangely enough, as malicious delight would have been a way more appropriate feeling. She knew today had been rough on her.

* * *

«Dr. Grey,» said a familiar voice with a distinctive sound of professionalism in it. Meredith looked up from the deep dark hole she had mentally dug herself into, a little surprised to meet Addison's peering eyes. _Those eyes._

«Well, well, if it isn't Satan herself delighting us with her presence!» The dirty blonde spoke with a theatrical voice while raising her glass and bowing her head to the redhead.

«I do prefer Ruler of All That Is Evil, but considering your level of intoxication at this point, I would not expect you to remember that, nor manage to pronounce it,» Addison smirked while stepping up and putting one elbow on the bar, shifting her body towards where the other woman sat.

Her body was only inches away from Meredith's, and with her shift came a wave of a sensational scent that for a split second lit up Meredith's melancholic mind, reminding her of a longing feeling of… _Comfort? _

Instantly she felt the hair rising on her arms, making her tug on the sleeves of her white shirt to hide it from whoever might discover it. She had stood close to Addison many times at work before, but for some reason, this felt different, almost intimidating. Truth is, Addison had always been intimidating to her, but up until lately, it had always been on a _you-stole-her-husband-and-she-might-smite-you-any-day-level_. Now it was more on a _strong-powerful-intelligent-woman-kind-of-level_. Who could probably still smite her any day, if she wanted to.

Maybe it was the fact that Meredith was sitting down, which made Addison, accompanied by her very long and perfect legs almost hover over her like some kind of almighty emperor. _Perfect legs, did you really? _Or maybe it was because Meredith probably was as small and insignificant as she felt on this particular night, making anyone close to her appear as champions. It could also have been the guilt she carried for this woman due to past events, but this she could not bring herself to even try to comprehend, as it immediately burned a hole in her soul just thinking about it. Hell, it might just have been the alcohol making the distance between their bodies seem smaller than it was, you know, like objects appearing closer than they are in a car mirror. Or, was it the other way around? Well, that settles it. She definitely should not be driving home tonight.

«Hah. I would have laughed if I could remember how to...» Meredith's depressive response came awkwardly late, but that didn't stop a small frown of a smile from finding its way into the corner of the redhead's mouth. Meredith took a new sip of her drink, hiding her satisfaction for putting it there. _I did that._

* * *

Addison turned over to face the bar and got Joe's attention, ordering a bottle of red wine and two glasses.

«You got company.» It almost sounded like there was a mild tone of disappointment in Meredith's voice, as she locked her eyes on the two glasses. Addison nodded in the direction of Erica and Callie, took her voice down a few notches, and spoke with her mouth almost closed. «Gotta get this liquid bravery over to the two lovebirds over there, to help them get through the night.» Meredith immediately got the definition of a confused look on her face, as if she was unable to process what she had just heard.

Still smiling while walking away from the other woman, Addison mentally rolled her eyes at herself, knowing perfectly well that she could have ordered, and carried, her own drink back to the table in the same bar run. But, then she would not have had any reason to go back to the bar, would she.

_What the hell are you doing, Addison?_


	2. Two

«Thanks, Addison!» Erica took charge of pouring her and Callie some wine, making sure Callie was served first. «For you, milady.»

Addison was convinced she could see Callie blush by Erica's gesture. _This is fun._ «I'm gonna get me something else to drink,» Addison said while leaning into Erica's left side. «Now behave, Casanova...», she pulled away from the two women, leaving one of them with a smirk on her face, and the other with somewhat of a puzzled look.

Addison walked back to the bar, and back to the intern that she for a long time blamed for all of her problems. She knew very well that her ex-husband was the one to blame for putting Meredith in that position, but obviously, she was an easy target. It was easy to blame her, but not so easy to hate her.

She knew her marriage was over the second the neurosurgeon stood in the doorway of their bedroom in New York that night, but she wasn't going to give up without a fight. She had been raised to always fight for herself and what she thought was right, and didn't really know how not to. With that said, she was not always right, and she sure as hell had made a lot of mistakes and stupid choices. Up until now, Mark was the perfect example of this, but as she approached the dirty blonde by the bar, and without hesitation took her coat off and sat down beside her, suddenly she was not so sure anymore. As of tonight, she might have reached a higher level of stupidity.

* * *

«What's your poison?» Meredith asked. She felt the redhead's presence before she saw her. She avoided eye contact, as they both probably on some level knew that the sight of the two of them voluntarily sitting alone together in a bar, as if they were old drinking buddies, did not make sense in this world. They did a pretty good job ignoring that fact though, cause it didn't feel awkward at all, it just felt strangely… Strange.

«I think I'll go for a Dark & Stormy, to complement your sparkly mood tonight, Grey,» she responded while lifting herself from her seat and reached over the counter to grab a coaster. Meredith couldn't help to notice how the redhead's body covered the counter for a few seconds, her black perfectly ironed silk blouse shifted carefully on her torso with every small move she made. Her tight black skirt complimented every inch of her behind, and Meredith wondered how it was even possible to look so altogether and elegant while literally climbing over a bar counter.

She took a moment to glance down at herself and her wrinkled white shirt covered in different shades of liquor, and her vest missing a button from when it got stuck in her locker at work this morning. Next to Addison Forbes Montgomery, a name that sounded like it should come with a fanfare behind it, she felt like a 12-year-old boy after a day in the park, really living up to her last name.

Addison shuffled a coaster over towards Meredith, and by taking in the scenery around where she had been seated the last couple of hours, it was obvious that she needed one. Addison smiled at her as if she had given her the Ferrari of coasters. «How about you, what do you want?»

Meredith inhaled, tilted her head upwards, and spoke in a dramatic manner. «'The Things That I Want', by Meredith Grey. A break. A clean shirt. For the sun to shine. To sleep. My dog back. To not go to work tomorrow. To unsee every Tom Cruise movie I have ever endured. To change the past.» She exhaled. _You._

«Joe! It's clearly tequila-o'clock, hit me up!» Meredith waved a napkin in the air to get the bartender's attention. Addison chuckled, not hiding her amusement this time.

* * *

«So, Erica and Callie, eh? Isn't Erica just in town for the O'Malley consult?» Meredith asked, clearly a bit annoyed by her empty glass.

«What, you're thrown off by the one-night-stand part of the situation, or the two women part?» Addison couldn't help herself.

«Hey, I went to college,» Meredith casually replied while looking away and signaling Joe to hurry over with their liquids of choice. Addison felt a rush going through her body, trying not to picture the dirty blonde in relation to what she had just said, though failing miserably.

Joe put the well-needed drink of rum in front of Addison, before he gave Meredith a final possibility to back out of her order. «There's no way I can stop you from going there, is it?» He raised his eyebrows at her, already knowing the answer to his question.

«Would you really want to go all Yoko Ono at our friendship, Joe?» A moment later, Meredith had the salt on one hand and the shot in the other.

She raised her glass. «To George, and his dad. Aaand his girlfriend, who is about to join the Scissor Sisters.»

«Dr. Meredith Grey! I will _not_ drink to that, that is just… Poor George!» Addison whacked her upper arm while trying to hold back a chuckle, and looked around to make sure no one heard it.

«Alrightalright, how about to…» Their eyes met. «Fraternizing with the enemy.» Their eyes locked. None of them knew for how long. Addison raised her glass in return.

The older woman finally broke the silence. «So where's the rest of your crew of rascals?»

Meredith signaled to Joe for more tequila. «Christina is still at the hospital with Burke - busy not talking to him, George is watching over his dad - busy not talking to Christina, and if there is any order left in the universe, Iz is home working on her Martha Stewart impersonation. Alex, though, is around here somewhere flashing his doctor title to the third girl of the last hour. I actually think I heard him use the _I'm saving babies_-line earlier. Freaking unbelievable. Then again, if that doesn't get him laid - what does...»

«Ah, yes, that line usually gets me going with the ladies too,» Addison quirked an eyebrow towards Meredith, who looked a bit put out by her bluntness, before narrowing her eyes and biting down on her lip, and _oh my goodness, that face_.

«I believe you.» Their eyes locked again, Addison could feel her cheeks blush and her stomach turn, and _what the fuck_, desperately needed to say something.

«Speaking of saving babies… Rough day today? I'm sorry if I forced you into a family reunion you didn't want to participate in. I just though yo-»

«They're not my family.» Meredith cut her off. The topic clearly made her uncomfortable.

Addison nodded. «I get that. But they don't have to be, to piss you off, you know. It's okay.»

Meredith shifted on her seat and opened her mouth, looking like she was about to spill her heart out. «Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectet-»

«Yeahyeah, you don't want to talk about it,» Addison drowned out the other woman's rambling and swayed her body, giving Meredith a light push to her side. Their bodies touched. Even just for a second, she could feel Meredith's warmth radiate through the fabric of their clothes. She took a sip of her drink, feeling the rum slowly ease into her system. It felt good. Actually, this whole weird party of two felt good.

«I… I _could_ move Laura to the other side of the NICU tomorrow, without telling Molly and Susan... Just so you can, you know, see them suffer a few seconds while desperately looking for her,» Addison offered, and Meredith turned towards her with a serious look.

«That is the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.»

After a few seconds of silence, they cracked up and burst into laughter.

«Thanks, Addison,» the younger woman suddenly got a friendly look.

«For what - offering to kidnap a baby for you? Sure, anytime.» Addison smirked.

«For involving me in the case today. You didn't have to do that.»

«Well, maybe I just wanted to see you get tortured by your not-family, ever think 'bout that?» Addison smirked again.

«Yeah… I thought about it,» Meredith fiddled with a napkin, «But then I thought about it again.»

And there was that look in her eyes again. There was just something about that look, as if there was something bothering her that didn't have anything to do with today's events or her disaster of a family situation. A look that needed tending. A look that needed to be looked at. Addison could analyze that look all night, hell, people would write songs about that look. She wanted to inspect it, zoom in on it, and never stop researching it until she could figure it out. But for now, she just met it, accepted it, and appreciated its presence. Appreciated _her_ presence.

While shaking her head and letting out a bothered sigh, Meredith prepared the salt for a new tequila shot. The way she maneuvered herself now revealed the state of her intoxication, which was somewhere between tipsy and drunk.

«Earlier today my mother _literally_ said to my face that she never should have birthed me,»

Tequila consumed.

«And still, I came down here, feeling shit about not staying with her tonight. How the _fuck_ is that even possible?»

A bite of lime.

«I mean, is there a joke here I'm not in on, or am I really that dense?»

Addison could see Meredith get stirred up, for obvious reasons, and searched for an appropriate response.

«You tell me, I'm sitting here enjoying the company of my ex-husband's hot dirty mistress. Like, _really_ enjoying it. So if there was a joke somewhere, it definitely passed by me already...» _And that was probably the opposite of an appropriate response, stupid._

Meredith didn't look up, she just gave a blank stare at the half-eaten lime in her hand.

«Sorry... Too soon.» Addison cringed on the inside, ready to give away a kidney to a stranger, in return for erasing those last 60 seconds of their conversation.

Meredith got Joe to pour her two more shots, but this time she skipped the salt and went straight for the liquid. She placed the other shot in front of the older woman and raised both her eyebrows and her shot towards her.

«So... Ya think I'm hot?»

«Dr. Montgomeryyy!» The interruption was world-shattering and life-saving at the same time.

Only Alex Karev could sound as oily as Alex Karev. His attitude stepped into her personal space before his body did, and he leaned on the counter beside her. «Or maybe we could be on a first-name basis now, eh?» He winked at her.

«Karev,» Addison faked a chipper high-pitched tone while emphasizing the use of his last name. «How nice of you to join us, anything I can do for you?» _Dear lord, or whoever, please send him away._

She should have predicted that sharing some 'moments' with him earlier this week would lead to him being a pain in the ass. Truth is, she was to blame as far as some subtle flirtation goes, but it had been a tough couple of weeks and she just needed to have some fun. He had lately shown himself to be a really good guy, with a bright future in obstetrics, and she just got a bit carried away with the flirting. It was never going anywhere further, but it seemed like she needed to make that clear.

«Well, I can think of a couple of things you could do for me…» Yep, she _really_ needed to make that clear.

«Karev, I think you need to take your beer and get back to your lady friend over there,» she said as she nodded towards the woman he had left by the table, looking rather uncomfortable by being deserted.

«He-hey, feelin' a little jealous, are we?» he said with a smug face and an even more smug tone. «Catch ya later then, boss. You know where to find me,» he said while backing away from the two women at the bar.

Addison rolled her eyes trying to hide her embarrassment, ready to spill out some sort of defense speech to the whole bar. He was pretty drunk, but the way he talked to her made it sound like they had already gone places, and she needed to kill that idea before it manifested as the latest rumor at the nurses' station. She turned over to the other woman, for whom she felt a sudden urge to explain, more than to anyone else at this time.

«_Seriously?_»

Addison was served with a sharp stare that lasted for about three seconds, but was loaded with the amount of energy that could bring someone back from the afterlife - or into it, for that matter. The overwhelming silence that came along with it, muted all other sounds from their surroundings before it was broken by a short exhale. The other woman was on her feet quicker than Addison could manage to read the instant change in atmosphere. Meredith grabbed the shot from the counter and literally threw it inside her mouth. With the liquids burning its way down her throat, she slammed the empty glass onto the wooden surface before she turned around and walked away. Addison was left confused and a bit put out, trying to react, but came up short. «Wha-» Out of sight. But definitely _not_ out of mind.

* * *

With one hand on each side of the cold porcelain, head bowed in a mixture of shame and fury, Meredith tried to focus on the sanitary conditions - or lack thereof - of the bathroom sink at Joe's. Bacteria and their superior capabilities was a way more pleasant train of thought than rewinding the personal apocalypse that had played itself out at the bar counter a few minutes ago.

Regretting painfully to have escaped to the bathroom, and not through the front door, she was already considering her options on how to get out of the small window in one of the toilet stalls. She would easily have made herself a felon by breaking the glass, using only her bare hands and her desperate need for vanishing. Too bad the window was too far up to reach, and too small for huge morons to climb through, as there was this tiny little issue called laws of physics.

Her escape planning was interrupted by a small clicking sound, obviously from the door opening, and with it came an echo filling the room. Meredith tightened her grip on the dirty sink. «Go. Away.»

She was met with an unfamiliar voice. «Excuse me, I just need to use th-» Meredith looked up, shifted her head, and saw a young woman she had never seen before. «Sorry. My bad,» _Oh, the embarrassment_. «I thought you were someone else.»

She immediately cursed the universe for once again making a fool out of her, letting her subconsciously believe that Addison actually would come after her. As if the neonatal surgeon would do anything but run in the opposite direction, freaked out by the intern's obvious mental and emotional instability. _Universe: 37_. _Meredith: 0_.

She turned the water on and observed it dancing its way into the drain, wanting only to disappear together with it. She could feel the alcohol ravage in her body, making her thoughts cloudy, and made her question her own ability to be rational. Hypnotized by the flowing water, she didn't notice anyone approaching until a hand came into her field of vision. As it turned off the water flow, she snapped back to reality.

Meredith lifted her heavy head with all the strength she had, and let her eyes eventually focus on the mirror reflection.

Red. It was like all the world's colors had gone together and collectively decided to take a step back, just to let this one color shine alone. She was standing behind her, a little to the side, looking straight back at her in the mirror.

«Addison.»

«You okay?»

«You shouldn't be here.»

«Probably not. You okay?»

«I'm fine.»

«Riight.»

«You shouldn't be here.»


	3. Three

Addison stared back at the mirror reflection, and carefully laid a hand on top of Meredith's shoulder. It felt like the right thing to do, despite her not wanting to add any more weight to her shoulders. She spoke softly, but firm.

«And _you_ are _not_ fine.»

Meredith flinched and turned around in one movement, making Addison's hand fall to the side.

«And what if I'm not?» Her tone was rough.

Their bodies were so close, but only for the amount of time it took to say those five words. Which was enough time for Meredith to pierce her with a confronting stare that forced the redhead to take a few steps back. And in that moment of defeat, Addison did not feel any taller, or any older than the woman in front of her. In that moment, it felt like she was standing on the frontline of someone else's war, ready to be butchered. It was time to pull out the white flag. It was time to walk away. _Walk away, Addison._

Too bad she had a thing for martyrdom.

She held Meredith's stare in a challenge, which clearly was unexpected, as it made the other woman desperately search for the next thing to say. Addison stood her ground, as an invitation for her to continue.

«I mean, would it _really_ be that weird? Can't I just get to _not_ be all sunshine and flowers, without people trying to fix things, or fix _me_, or follow me to the bathroom after I've clearly made a fool out of myself?»

She moved past Addison, looking anywhere else but at the other woman. Addison didn't know whether to jump in or to stay silent, but she chose the ladder for now. Instead, she just turned slowly around towards the now frantically pacing Meredith.

«Is it not possible to be allowed to have your dog die on you, your mother to hate your existence, and your father to replace you, without everyone thinking that you've lost it? So what, I put my hand on a bomb, and _yes_ I slept with inappropriate people, and I _might_ have a bit of an unhealthy relationship to alcohol. But you know what? I _manage_. I get up in the mornings. I go to work. I even fucking _jog_! I save liv-» She cut herself off and gestured towards Addison who stood with her back against the sink.

«And, and… And why would _you_, of all people, even care? I mean, you came here to Seattle to deal with your situation, and then you had to deal with me up in your face, and up in your business, and _still_ you managed to be kind and _not_ rip my head off - when you had all the reasons in the world to hate me. And then I go and do this terrible thing to you - well done, Meredith - and you had to deal with me all over again, not to mention my panties, and even _then_ you pretty much kept your cool - no, actually, you were still being _nice_ to me! You should _hate_ me! So why the hell would you sit with me tonight and be all gorgeous and funny, and let me for a split second feel like I had a _good_ time, because _you_ were pretending to have a good time, and-»

«Heyheyhey, hold on, I didn't-» Addison tried to get a word in, but there was no stopping the tsunami of partial sentences flowing out of Meredith.

«And then you got involved with Alex, which is as far away from my business as it could be, but come on! Alex, really? Don't you know that even _bacteria_ are more capable of complex decision-making than Alex Karev? I mean -»

«Meredith, listen to me! Nothing is going on between me and Karev, okay?» Addison managed to demand her space in between the rambling but lost her slot in the next breath.

«Okay, FINE. But that's not the point, I just… You just... It shouldn't even matter-» She cut herself off mid-sentence again, and Addison couldn't figure out if the younger woman was just struggling to finish what she wanted to say, or if she even knew where she was going with this.

She continued her pacing, a little out of balance. She would have been fine in her usual ragged Converse, but today she was wearing these low heels that weren't really cut out for heavy drinking - or heavy rain. Addison had undeniably noticed, as she had already appreciated Meredith's outfit today. Her loose white shirt with the black vest reminded Addison of women outside of the queer bars in New York that she had passed more than once while living there.

«I dunno. I'm drunk and I'm a mess, and…» Meredith sighed and slowed down.

«And, you shouldn't be here.»

The last four words were articulated in a way where the message couldn't be any clearer, but at the same time, the words drowned while passing through her lips.

Addison was confused now. She had been thrown in all directions the last couple of minutes, and she had to make sure she didn't read the situation completely wrong. She knew she probably had been imagining things all night, but didn't want to let go just yet.

«You and Karev... Are you thing, or something?»

«What? No! Ew, he's like a brother to me!» Meredith stopped her pacing, and just stood there in the middle of the bathroom floor, like a stray dog in the middle of a busy street, not knowing where to step next. «Jesus, Addison!»

Hearing her name being shouted in anger by this woman sent a jolt through Addison's body that came with a bad taste. Meredith was holding both hands up to her head while massaging her temples. She was clearly tired and exhausted from this silly game that neither of them knew if the other one was actually playing.

She squeezed her eyes shut and let her hands cover parts of her face and her whole figure screamed for a break. «You just don't get it...»

Observing the wreckage in front of her, Addison felt every cell in her body wanting to take this woman into her arms and hold her tight while all the hurricanes blew over and settled around them. She took a step forward, knowing that if you push someone too far, sooner or later they're gonna push back.

«I don't hate you, Meredith.»

Meredith let her hands fall to the side and slowly opened her eyes.

«I know,» She said firmly, but didn't move an inch.

«… I was there, you know.»

_What the…_

The second her brain connected the dots and realized what Meredith was referring to, Addison felt her heart drop through her body and straight through the dirty floor. Her mouth was partly open, waiting for her very intelligent mind to come up with a response. She figured she must have numbed out the clever parts of her brain with the alcohol, cause they were clearly not going to help a friend out.

Meredith had still not moved, but was gazing down at the floor now, looking like she was about to crawl out of her skin while waiting for the older woman to speak.

_She remembers._

«Oh,» Addison didn't trust her legs to hold her up anymore, so she retreated with a step back, now leaning her back against the sink.

«You remember.»

* * *

Meredith lifted her gaze and settled it into the windows of the redhead's soul. She had collapsed against the sink and did not at all seem as altogether as she usually did. She looked as she had been caught red-handed, standing over the body of someone she held a grudge against.

«I.»

Meredith took a step forward.

«Remember.»

Another step.

It was almost as if they didn't have to say anything else, ever again. Everything was being said, as they stood there in silence staring at each other. Wars were being fought and worlds were being conquered in their shared glance. Meredith was now close enough to inhale the mixed scent of perfume, liquor, and hesitation from Addison's body. But not close enough.

Meredith knew she was not the only damaged one in this room. Standing this close to Addison now, she could clearly see the burn marks in her eyes that her history had left her with. She suddenly felt bad for taking up so much space with her own drama this evening, she never really stopped to consider or ask about the other woman's ongoings. Of course, she has had a rough couple of months, she basically came out here and lost what she came to fight for. And it _was_ partly Meredith's fault. _I'm so sorry._

«Meredith... What are you doing?» Addison asked cautiously when Meredith came even closer to her.

Their faces were at a perfect parallel now, since Addison was leaning down a bit on the sink. Meredith placed both of her feet on the outside of Addison's perfectly collected feet, and then leaned forward to grab hold of the sink on each side of her. Their bodies were not touching, but their eyes and lips aligned as the final two pieces of a perfect puzzle that were just waiting to be laid and completed.

«I'm doing… A lot of things.» Meredith figured she would get the reference, and scanned her face for any indications.

Addison tilted her head forward, placing her lips even closer to Meredith's.

«Me too. A lot of things.»

Of course, she got it. These words were more than enough for Meredith to feel her insides light up in flames, sending shock waves of heat to her core. She was terrified. It didn't matter.

Addison slowly licked her own bottom lip, which made a small part of her tongue graze Meredith's lip. This was like trying to put out the flames with pure gasoline. Meredith let out an uncontrolled heavy breath, creating a chain reaction as it led to a small whimper from Addison when her warm breath hit the older woman's wet lip.

Chest's heaving deeply in heavy breathing, eyes searching desperately for some sort of permission to go further, but none of them wanted to let go of this torturing, yet insanely pleasing, moment. Meredith wondered if she was the only one feeling like she could detonate from the inside any second, but was pretty convinced by Addison rubbing her own thighs slowly and uncontrollably together in small movements under her.

They stood like this, sharing the little amount of oxygen that was left between them until the sound of a toilet flushing yanked them both back to reality.

_Fuck. The woman from earlier._

Their eyes shot wide open and focused intensely like a deer in the headlights, but their lips were still hovering at each other's, barely touching, barely not touching.

The redhead lifted herself to stand up straight, and like magnets, their lips kept their close distance.

«You're right... I really shouldn't be here.» Addison whispered against her lips and pulled away, leaving the other woman on her toes, almost losing her balance when she was sucked into the vacuum created as their bodies parted. She slid past her, and Meredith had to reach for the sink again for something to hold on to.

Meredith was left with a feeling of halt. Like the famous cartoon character running off a cliff and straight into the air, while waiting for gravity to catch up before the great plunge came. The clicking sound of heels disappeared in the distance, and the door was slammed shut like a bold exclamation mark after the cartoon character hit the ground and shredded into pieces.


	4. Four

When Meredith finally managed to collect herself and got out of the bathroom, she walked into a bar that was way more crowded than she walked away from. She didn't have any clear notion of what the time was, but it was obvious that most people there were in a well-buzzed mood. This she managed to recognize as positive because it meant that she could hide away in the crowd if she needed to. There was no sign of Addison anywhere, and she couldn't quite decide if that was a good thing, or the opposite.

When she reached her seat at the bar, she located her coat and tried to get Joe's attention to fix her tab. Next up would be to get out of there before anyone or anything else demanded her attention. She still felt the tequila working its way through her system, but the fact that she did not forget her tab, and that she remembered leaving her bag in the car for the night, at least was an indication of sobering up. She blamed the out-of-body experience that had just played itself out in the bathroom as the rather effective detox factor.

While tipping Joe for both his services and his usual patience, she grabbed her coat and prepared a quick run for the door.

«Hoy, your friend left this,» Joe nodded towards the seat next to the one Addison had, and a scarf that was draped around it. «She disappeared in a rush about ten minutes ago.»

The intern wanted so badly to pretend she didn't know what, or who he was talking about - she did not have the brain capacity to deal with anything else than getting the hell out of there. But then again, Joe probably had a front-row seat to their interactions this evening, and stupid he for sure was not, so she just responded with an «Ah, yeah, I guess it's Addison's».

He just stood there with small question marks popping up over his head, as if the ball was in her court. As if the world as they knew it would have ended if that damn scarf wasn't dealt with immediately. So then she got a little pissed, cause this really wasn't her problem, and on what planet would it be normal that _she_ would have to be the one to deal with her ex-boyfriend's ex-wife's deserted clothing. She reconsidered Joe's level of stupidity and served him a well-hidden 'go to hell' with a fake smile. It's not like Addison wouldn't be back there another evening, and IT'S JUST A GODDAMN SCARF.

Okay, maybe she wasn't all sobered up yet…

So there she was, scarf in hand, considering wrapping it around her neck really, really, _really_ tight. Until it hit her like a bullet in the chest. The smell yanked her back to the bathroom, and back to standing over Addison, and to the warm tongue grazing her lip, and to the breathing sounds coming from the redhead while they disappeared into each other's desperate stare. The heat shot to her core again, and she felt her vision blur and her mind wander off.

Meredith had to control every muscle in her body not to take a nosedive into the soft fabric in her hands, but as she didn't trust her body to take orders from her brain that night, she was truly relieved when someone interfered with her trip down memory lane.

«Did you say it was Addison's?»

Mark freaking Sloan. Just the person that was missing from this eerie evening.

«Uhm, yeah, I think she left it there to dry and then forgot to take it with her,» Meredith replied as casually as she could, holding the scarf out with both hands as if it was some kind of sacred treasure on display. Probably not looking casual at all.

«That's cool, I can take it. She's staying over at the Archfield, where I'm also currently at.»

_Of course you can. Of course you are._

Meredith couldn't help feeling annoyed by his smug face, not wanting to give him a reason to approach Addison. Which of course was incredibly stupid in itself, but this seemed to be the night where stupidity got to ravage freely, so she allowed herself to hesitate for a tiny second.

«Okay, see ya!» She handed the scarf over to Mark, turned on her heel, and finally found her way out of there.

The rain was still pouring down as a final big metaphorical middle finger to compliment what this day had served her. She stumbled into a cab and the driver looked at her with questioning eyes in the mirror. «Where to?»

* * *

Addison pressed her finger at the grains of salt on the counter, making one by one stick to her skin. Moving them from one random location to another, she visioned her pathetic self from above, sitting at a second bar that night and refusing to retreat to her hotel room. Her room was nice and all, but even if she constantly was surrounded by staff and guests, the hotel life got pretty lonely in the long run. So the hotel bar had lately become her new sanctuary, as it offered dinner, drinks, and casual conversations with other lonely people that were just searching for that 'human connection'. Connections that had no expectations or strings attached, as her work schedule didn't allow that. And she didn't really want that either. Pathetic, indeed.

But at least here, she didn't have to worry about ex-husbands' ex-mistresses kicking down the doors to her fantasies and messing with her moral compass. The last one was already out of tune, and the first one was way too complex to make sense of, and she just really wanted to look back on her life one day and not exclusively see bad decisions being made. And engaging in sketchy bathroom activities with Meredith Grey was definitely filed under 'bad decisions'. As ironic as it was, she had not felt that good, or that alive in a long time. Yes, they were drunk, and yes, they were troubled, but Addison was convinced that there must have been some foregoing looks and moments shared between them leading up to tonight's escapades.

When she had overheard the hallway chatter about them ending things, she had felt a kind of relief. Even if she knew it didn't mean that he would come back to her - she really didn't want that either. It was strange and absurd, and she would have preferred to not feel this way, but it was true. Holding on to her ex-husband had gradually turned into a matter of keeping him away from her, then having him to herself. She knew it was completely nuts and bizarre, and she almost couldn't think about it, without arguing with herself. But it was what it was.

«Great weather for some proper drinking tonight, innit?» Riley the bartender snapped Addison out of her useless pondering and wiped the counter clean while giving her an affectionate look.

«Oh, I would say that this night is anything but proper, Riley. And I think you need to order me to bed after this one,» She sighed and gestured towards her drink.

«You know I would love to do that, Dr. Montgomery...» Riley said it with a teasing smile and continued wiping the rest of the bar counter before other guests approached to order.

«And you know I'm too old for you, Riley,» Addison teased back and knew that probably wouldn't have stopped any of them, but for these last weeks, she had just appreciated their casual humorous flirtation.

She fiddled with the lime on the rim of her drink, making more salt fall on the counter. She was back to sorting and systemizing the grains in piles as if it was her new calling in life.

Simple. Easy. Dependent. No risk of it dying under her touch. She could get used to this.

«You left your scarf.»

Addison turned towards the voice.

_No way_.

Meredith's slender body looked completely out of place, standing about four feet behind her. With damp hair, pink cheeks, smudged makeup, and her white shirt collars escaping out of her coat, she looked like a messy rockstar on the way to her own backstage party. And it was an undeniably hot look on her.

Addison quirked an eyebrow towards the younger woman. «You came all the way to my hotel to give me my scarf?»

«Nah, that would have been weird. I came all the way to your hotel to _tell_ you that you left your scarf. I don't have it. Mark's got it.»

Addison tried to hide her smile by turning back to her drink and staying there. «You sure are something else, Meredith Grey.»

«If I had a penny...» was muttered behind her.

The redhead snorted lightly under her breath and nodded towards the seat next to her. «Have a seat. You want a beer?»

«Sure,» Meredith emerged from her wet coat and sat down. «Thanks.»

«Hey Riley, can we get a beer for Ziggy Stardust over here?»

Meredith shot her a questioning look, which to Addison just brushed off and continued, «Nevermind. This is Riley. Riley is basically my Joe; knows way too much about me, while I know almost nothing about her. Except that she's British, and makes killer margaritas - _that_ I know for sure.»

The dark-haired bartender nodded on her way over with Meredith's beer. «Hiya, nice to meet you - here you go.»

«Thank you,» Addison could see Meredith eyeing the bartender. Riley, with her undercut mid-long hairstyle and her tattooed skin crawling out from under her shirt sleeves, often got these curious looks from the guests - especially from some of the women. And she quite often gave them a reason to keep on looking, as she rarely wasted an opportunity to charm her way around someone - also especially the women. After all, she was very attractive. _And_ British. Addison had noticed.

«So, what are we drinking to curse about tonight, ladies?» Riley asked while polishing glasses and stacking them on the shelves.

«Women,» Meredith responded surprisingly quick and raised her glass. Riley let one of the empty glasses in her hands cling towards Meredith's. «Hear, hear.»

Addison shook her head at them both. «Oh, come on, we're not _that_ bad.»

«Only the ones who disappear on you. In the middle of -» Meredith paused before continuing, «- important conversations.»

_Mkay, she went there. _A bit put out, Addison tried to act as casual as possible, but she struggled to come up with a convenient response to the obvious sting. So she dived into her drink instead.

«Ah, yes. _Those_,» Riley rolled her eyes humorously. «You know, love, the trick is to disappear first, _before_ they can disappear on you.» She winked at Meredith before turning her attention to the guests piling up at the other side of the bar.

«Touché.» Meredith took a sip of her beer and didn't notice Addison looking until her stare almost poked her in the face. «What?»

«You know she's totally hitting on you, right?» Addison smirked at the younger woman.

«What? No. Tell me, how many of those did you pour down already?»

Addison just kept smirking at her and she could swear she saw Meredith's cheeks turn to a darker shade of pink.

«Oh, shut up.»

Meredith could pretend to be as oblivious as she wanted, but Addison was not a stranger to Riley's methods. «Believe me, I know British flirting when I see it.»

«Well, well, Dr. Montgomery. Is this a hint of jealousy I'm picking up on...? I guess it was your turn this time.» Smug Meredith made an entrance. «Honestly though, I am not so sure if it's _me_ or _her_ you're jealous of...?» And she managed that smugness pretty well.

«Hah, _clearly_, the rain did not sober you up after all.» Addison smiled behind her sarcasm, and it was returned with a chuckle from the dirty blonde. Their smiling sealed an unspoken truce, and they went into a comfortable silence.

Until Addison broke it.

«I… I'm sorry for leaving -»

Meredith cut her off. «Don't do that. It's okay. You were closest to the door. It could easily have been me.»

«Good to know...» A little embarrassed, Addison mumbled and looked away.

«No, no, not like that. I just mean that this one right here,» Meredith demonstratively lifted both of her hands to the top of her head, pretending to crown herself, «is the queen of running away from my… Complicated situations.»

«But here you are?»

«But here I am.»

The two doctors sat next to each other in silence for what felt like the fifty-third time that night. They were both resting their elbows on the counter, looking straight forward at the rack of bottles and newly polished glasses on the wall shelves.

Meredith took a sip of her beer. «So. You don't hate me.»

Addison took a sip of her drink. «I think we might have established that already, Grey.»

Meredith tilted her head a bit, but let her eyes do most of the work, looking at Addison in profile. «Well, as my friend Sagan used to say; extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence.»

Addison smirked back at the dirty blonde, but kept her vision forward.

«I think you have all the evidence you need for this one.» She slowly lifted her crossing leg away from the other. Making sure the other woman noticed, she let her leg rest with some distance from the other, and then spreading them just a little more, making her tight skirt slide up a bit. She lowered her voice, but still didn't look back at her. «Or at least you would have, if you had your hand between my thighs 30 minutes ago.»

Meredith almost choked on her beer.

«Good to have that cleared up then,» She swallowed and coughed lightly. «Clear as vodka.» New sip. «Speaking of vodka… Do they have vodka in this Taj Mahal of a hotel? Riley would probably know. Or, looking at the state of things here, they probably only have that very exclusive type of liquor, you know, like the champagne with bits of actual gold in it - or if they actually do have vodka, it's probably served with caviar accompanied by a singing monkey, or something. Or served _by_ the singing monkey, you know, how crazy would that be -»

The redhead grinned smugly. «You are very cute when you're rambling.»

* * *

«Haah. Riight.» Meredith felt her heart punch her in the chest from the inside and didn't know where to rest her eyes. She couldn't help but repeatedly glance down at Addison who was making a subtle point in shifting her body slowly on her seat. What was left of her sanity forced her to look around and map out the hotel's exit, but her body seemed to have no-negotiable plans of its own.

She threw back what was left of her beer and stood up close to Addison. She positioned herself sideways and then carefully placed one hand on the older woman's thigh, just above the knee. Her touch immediately got Addison's attention, who turned her head which made their eyes lock.

It felt like the skin under her hand was burning, and painfully slow she slid her hand further up her thigh. With every inch, Addison's eyes darkened, and the moment her hand reached the fabric, thighs were parted a tiny bit more, granting Meredith better access. As her index finger slid under the hemline, she shifted her hand's course and moved it towards the inside of Addison's thigh, but not further up. That move made the redhead straighten up and instinctively gasp for air. Meredith stopped and left her hand to rest there, exploring the madness that went on in Addison's eyes before speaking. «I think I'm the one closest to the door this time...»

«Don't you fucking dare.»

Never had a whisper been more deafening. Never had eyes been more commanding. Never could she have anticipated this when she found herself telling the cab driver to take her to the Archfield instead of home, as if she knew where to go after entering the doors of the luxury hotel that Mark had randomly name-dropped. Never could she imagine her luck tossing her a glimpse of red in the hotel bar while wandering through the reception area. And never ever had she been this aroused, with this amount of clothes on.

Before her body could notify her brain of what was happening, Meredith was pushed away from the bar by the same woman who's thigh she just had her hand searing into. She managed to grab her coat while being pushed lightly at her lower back, and suddenly the two women were standing in front of the hotel elevators.

Elevators. They both knew elevators usually led to either great pleasure or great pain. And they both knew that what happens in elevators _never_ stays in elevators.

First, the sound of the elevator arriving. Then, the sight of the doors opening. It was empty and Addison stepped inside with no hesitation. She turned towards Meredith and let her hand hover over the panel of buttons on the right side.

Meredith knew stepping into that elevator meant crossing a line. But in her mind, she was already so far beyond, that she couldn't even remember what the line looked like when she had crossed it. So she did what any other sane person wouldn't have done - she entered the elevator.

She positioned herself on the opposite side of Addison, leaned her back against the wall, and observed the older woman press the button for floor number 22. Twenty-two floors. Twenty-one possibilities for the elevator to stop before arrival. The odds were not great.

Addison then also had her back against the wall. They observed each other from a distance, investigating body language, and examining the space between them.

To Meredith, the redhead in front of her was the definition of beauty. With her perfect body arranged against the wall, she looked like this character from the movies that came into your life and completely flipped it upside down and turned you into a stuttering fool, or the one who swooped in and stole everything you had, cause she was just everything you were not.

It was not her looks alone, it was her abilities, her finesse, her wit, and just the way she held herself. She had this dignity that was severely mind-blowing and at the same time not at all arrogant. But somewhere right there under the surface of all her glory, there was a layer of being damaged. A layer of deficiency, like a glitch in a perfectly programmed system. A mystery to unravel, a reason to hold her tight until she gave in and surrendered. Something to cherish. A fucking cliché, many would insist. But that didn't stop Meredith from wanting, from _needing_, to consume the woman in front of her and everything that she was.

As soon as the elevator doors closed, they disappeared into their private parallel universe where their eyes did all the talking. And it was not only talking going on there, Meredith could swear she felt the redhead's hands all over her body, even if she was literally standing on the other side of the universe. Her stomach flipped, and she could not be sure if it was the elevator moving, or the other woman moving her. They both knew that in their gaze, clothes were being ripped apart and skin was being exposed.

Addison was breathing slow and heavy, making her stare even more intense, and the combination made Meredith feel dizzy. She instinctively grabbed the bar mounted on the wall behind her back with both hands at her sides, making her coat fall to the floor.

* * *

Addison felt a wave of heat hit her center when she saw Meredith tighten her grip around the bar she was holding on to. With her knuckles turning white, it almost looked like she needed to hold herself from collapsing on top of her own coat that was now draped around her feet.

All she wanted to do was to collapse on that same floor together with the younger woman. She felt her eyes filling, making her vision blurry, just because she was too aroused to remember to blink, or maybe just refused to, in fear of missing out on anything.

She stepped forward, not needing much more than one foot in front of the other until she was close enough to smell the lust coming from Meredith's breath and close enough to see her pupils dilate in her presence.

Addison placed one hand on the wall next to Meredith's head and now she was looking down at her as if she was her captured prey. She couldn't control herself any longer, so she lowered herself a bit and pressed her body against the other woman, making them both gasp deeply at each other's pressure.

At this move, Meredith tossed her head back in desire, exposing her neck. Her skin was pale and dainty, but Addison could see skin turning blazing red at her chest where her white shirt was buttoned down. It was ridiculously hot, and Addison saw this as an invitation to dive into her. She placed her tongue at her neck and let it slide all the way up Meredith's carotid artery, tasting her throbbing pulse and inhaling her scent. Nibbling at her jawline she heard Meredith whimper under her breath.

«Addison… Please…»

She was begging. She was moaning. And to hear her name being uttered in such desperation, made the redhead press her body even harder against Meredith.

While still tasting her skin, Addison felt a hand at the back of her neck moving up through her hair. Fingers twisting and twirling, and then suddenly grabbing her and pulling her back with a rough, yet pleasing amount of force. Meredith obviously was not going to beg anymore, so she tilted her head down to face Addison. Her eyes were dark and filled with desire, and without letting go of her hold, she pressed her lips against Addison's.

The moment their lips met it was like silk and velvet colliding.

And Addison returned the kiss with all she had.

Meredith slowly released the hold in her hair, and the kiss deepened as both of her hands came up to cup Addison's face instead. They crashed into the wall behind Meredith, and Addison now had her hands stroking Meredith's sides and tugging at her vest. And just like a well-practiced dance, they were completely in sync when lips were parted to grant access to tongues. Addison couldn't remember the last time she had inhaled oxygen, but that was not important - she figured she could live without it by now. When she felt Meredith's warm and soft tongue merging with her own, she let her hands slide under the dirty blonde's vest, reached around her body, and held her tight at the back.

Meredith now had her upper arms on Addison's shoulders, and she was grinding and arching her body against the redhead while their kiss got needier. Seeking pressure to where it was needed the most, Addison shifted her body a little to the side, so that Meredith's thigh was pressed against her groin.

The other woman bit down on Addison's bottom lip and smiled, to let her know that she knew exactly what was going on. To prove it, she applied even more pressure to her thigh while lifting it a little and whispered breathlessly against Addison's now groaning lips.

«This what you need?»

Addison moved her hands to Meredith's front, slowly sliding them up over her stomach and to her breasts. She cupped one breast and let the other hand move further up. She then made a trail with her finger onto her skin, from the shirt collar, and down her shirt cleavage. When she arrived at the first button, she tugged it open and whispered back against her lips.

«Not nearly enough.»

Meredith inhaled and pulled her back in, and the kisses got more aggressive. Moans were muffled by exploring tongues, and out of nowhere, the elevator made a ringing sound, notifying them of their arrival. As the doors slid open, Addison broke free from their kiss and watched Meredith sink back into the wall, panting and bewildered, looking like she did not know how to separate what was up from what was down.

While licking her lips and still tasting Meredith on them, Addison bent over to pick the misplaced coat up from the floor. She playfully handed the coat to its owner by leaning into her, «You have no idea how wet you just made me, Dr. Grey…»

Then she backed slowly out of the elevator while she held the other woman's stare, no less intense than a couple of minutes ago.

Meredith exhaled in agony before she pushed herself from the wall and collected herself to follow Addison's trail of desire. She looked like a perfect mess, with swollen lips and red marks on her skin. Addison was kind of proud to have completely dismantled all of her, and her own, hesitations in the duration of an elevator ride.

Meredith was just about to step off the elevator when Addison abruptly stopped her own movement and turned towards sudden shouting.

«Addison! There you are!»

_No. Fucking. Way._

Addison quickly turned back to see a very confused intern who was inches away from tumbling out of the elevator, and therefore had to react faster than her current mindset allowed her to do. She blocked Meredith's exit by putting her body in the middle of the door opening, and slammed her hand onto the panel of buttons, hitting a random number on the lower rows. She tried to convey the feeling of frustration by silently articulating the word 'sorry', and then she stepped back to see the elevator doors close in front of her. She could swear she heard Meredith protest with a loud 'fuck' as the elevator left the twenty-second floor. Honestly, she wanted to scream herself.

Instead, she inhaled, wiped the smudged lipstick off her face, turned on her heel, and walked down the corridor towards a certain plastic surgeon with a certain scarf in his hand.


	5. Five

A/N:

This chapter springs out of episode 3x11, and after deciding where to go with this, I kinda ended up with a few some logical flaws in relation to the actual storyline. Some of them I will come back to as part of the story later, but others I'm just deciding to delete in this context. So, there are a few notes you need to know:

\- Alex has already moved into Meredith's house together with the other interns. I know it actually happens a little bit later, but let's just go with it.

\- Addison is wearing her scrubs this day, despite her not doing so in the episode.

\- The mention of Addison's abortion is not happening at this time.

\- Just in case it was unclear; Meredith and Derek are not together.

I really hope you will enjoy the chapter and where my story is going, and I would LOVE to hear your thoughts about it!

* * *

Lying flat on her back in her bed, Meredith was in a complete frenzy. Her blood was still pumping with adrenaline, and her stomach twisted between flashes of panic and waves of arousal. _What the fuck was that?_

She tried to digest the events that had played themselves out over the last hours, determined to conclude that she was officially a total lunatic beyond saving.

This wasn't like those times when she woke up next to a nameless body in her bed, or when she forgot to mention to her college boyfriend that she was leaving to party her way through Europe the next day. Neither was it like that time she never went home after sleeping over at a friend's house in high school, just to see if her mother would notice; which she did, but not until the third night had passed and the fridge was empty. This could not compare to her numerous one-night stands with shady people in even shadier neighborhoods, or when she threw her drunk self into the lake to go skinny dipping at midnight - alone.

This was a whole other level of dark and twisty. This was abso-bloody-lutley nuts. And she wished she could re-live it all over again.

And again, and again.

She knew she was in a relatively bad shape right now, but she also knew there was only so much she could blame her messy farce of a family for. Trust-issues, yes. Abandonment-issues, for sure. But the need to go all 'Future is Female' on the woman she usually credited as her nemesis, that would be a stretch. She _wanted_ Addison to follow her into the bathroom. And she _wanted_ to follow Addison into the elevator.

She wanted her.

And if it wasn't for outright exhaustion, every part of her body ached after dealing with her arousal on her own. But she was also convinced that she would never manage to please herself in the way she needed to be pleased right now. The only one who could do that was located somewhere on a twenty-second floor downtown. _What is she doing now?_

Despite being exhausted, her mind was all over the place. And as the emotional wreck Meredith was, could she in some screwed up way have mistaken envy for desire? From the day Addison walked into the hospital and introduced herself, Meredith had fought hard against admiring her, or anything else that resembled liking her. After all, from her perspective, she did steal her McLife. But Addison quickly proved herself to be a total badass, and if it wasn't for the screwed up way their paths crossed, and the fact that Meredith was kind of obligated to resent her, she would probably very much approve of Addison Montgomery, both the doctor and the person. In her defense, objectively speaking, Addison was one hell of an accomplished woman. And she was pretty damn stunning to look at too.

The desire was as real as the mixed taste of alcohol and lipstick in her mouth. Her whole body could testify to that. But could this simply be some devious way for her subconsciousness to get back at her ex-boyfriend? That would have made total sense if it wasn't for the fact that him not being a part of her personal life anymore hadn't really bothered her at all lately. Yes, it was a dick move to hide this tiny little detail of being married, and it sucked that he chose someone else's bed to sleep in. But what ultimately made her reconsider him as this perfect guy that everyone saw him for, was the damn hypocrisy of the whole situation. He kept on chasing her when he had made his choice. He kept on pushing, and he kept on looking. You just cannot be _that_ moralistic and then screw up so badly yourself. You don't get to be that bitter for being betrayed, and then betray someone in the same way. So no, she was not pining for Derek Shepherd anymore. And she had no need for retaliation against him.

So that left her with what? She had no clue what this was, or what to do with these turbulent feelings. But she couldn't stop thinking about it and what these feelings did to her body. She couldn't stop thinking about her.

Embraced by the warmth of tonight's beverages, Meredith slowly drifted into repeating thoughts and patterns that her unconsciousness was in complete control of. Heavy eyelids slid shut a couple of times, and her body sank deeper into the mattress. _Is she with him?_

Just as she was about to surrender to the conquering darkness, her bedroom lit up. The light from the little screen on her phone acted like a floodlight screaming for attention, demanding her to react.

With squinted eyes, she flipped open the phone, let her eyes adjust a few seconds to the blinding light, and then saw a text from an unknown number.

See you around then, Ziggy

It felt like her heart blew a fucking fuse.

_She's not with him._

No creature alive would ever believe that one Meredith Grey could produce such a grin like the one that was covering her face at that moment. Between speculating on why Addison would even have her number, and on whether to reply or not, her fingers were already tapping the buttons on her phone.

I'm not left-handed, u know

She bit down on her lip and immediately regretted not writing something less cryptic, or at least something that claimed some sort of response. But a few seconds later the regret was expendable.

And she knows her Bowie. Interesting. Figured you were too young.

It was instantly followed by another text.

But that's alright. Both hands work for me...

This was just too ludicrous. And Meredith could play this game until dawn.

That's more interesting. See u around, Dr. Montgomery

But she wouldn't. Which was also a part of the game.

Meredith put away her phone and retreated to her pillow and the darkness. She fell asleep with muscles flexing in the corners of her mouth. The madness was clearly anything but over.

* * *

There was little in this world that could throw Addison off. She had pulled through a lot of crazy shit, both in her professional and personal life, but last night had served her a new kind of crazy. Meredith Grey was a sucker-punch to her rationality, and she felt completely blindsided.

Sitting on the edge of her hotel bed with a cup of fresh room service coffee in her hands, she was staring at the wall in front of her. She was dressed and ready for a new day, and should have been well on her way to the hospital by now. But one half of her brain was partly working to fight the incoming hangover headache, and the other part, which since this morning went by the name Judas, was working to load her nerves with enough ammunition to make sure her hangover anxiety could roam around freely in her body for a while.

This could just not be happening. She needed some more time to collect herself before walking out into the world and handle whatever was waiting for her out there. It could be saving lives, it could be slaying dragons, or it could be bumping into Meredith at work. All of the above was a bit too much for her to deal with right now.

She had checked her phone repeatedly this morning as if anything might magically change in her message history if she just checked it once more. She opened it again. Nope. Her very unrefined texts were still right there in her 'sent' folder. _Dammit._ She cursed her alcohol-induced boldness and swore she would never have another drink again.

Rolling her eyes at the obvious lie while tossing the phone into her purse, she quickly fled out of the door before she could change her mind again.

While waiting for the elevator she was thinking that these electronic devices really should have some sort of automatic lock on them, making it impossible to text ex-husband's ex-mistresses after a certain amount of consumption. Or maybe just make it impossible to text them in general, which sounded pretty reasonable to Addison this morning.

She walked into the elevator, and it immediately brought back some hazy memories from the last time she was there. Flashes of her hands all over Meredith's body. The most amazing bittersweet taste on her tongue. The warm wetness between her legs, which became more than just a memory as her body suddenly jolted in arousal.

Addison wriggled her chin and mouth behind her scarf in high hopes to hide from her very physical reaction. A scarf she was thankful for today, but really wanted to shred to pieces last night when Mark won the prize for worst possible timing in the history of mankind. Come to think of it, that was another thing she probably should be thankful for today. She couldn't remember much of the conversation they had, due to the pond between her legs and her brain working on overdrive to act normal, but she did remember him pouting over not being invited inside and also shutting the door in his face with a little more effort than she had planned for. But she could live with that. It was Mark, he would get over it. And he would try again.

Addison inhaled deeply as the elevator doors opened and exposed her to the world on the ground floor.

_Fucking hell, here we go._

* * *

«Good morning, sunshine!»

Izzie was standing by the kitchen counter with oversized oven gloves on her hands and an oversized smile on her face. She looked like she was still running on no sleep and baking soda, but she seemed better than a few days ago. At least she was back at work, even if only observing. Baby steps, they had concluded with.

Meredith watched her carefully clean up Alex's breadcrumbs that were falling out of his mouth and down on the kitchen counter as he spoke. «Was I _that_ drunk, or were you actually hanging out with She-Shepherd at Joe's last night?»

«You know I don't conversate pre-coffee», Meredith grunted and was about to grab the mug from his hands, when he yanked it away teasingly.

«Give me my dope. Now. Before I kick your ass.»

Alex snorted in response and released the hostage to her before he went on to make himself a new mug while mumbling «Someone didn't get laid last night...»

_You have no idea_. Meredith took a sip.

«Not sure I would call her interrogating me about Susan and Molly and my poor excuse of a father 'hanging out'. Being annoying and collecting information, you know, because of her case.» As casual as could be, she deserved a fucking Oscar.

«And she's not really the She-Shepheard anymore, jerkface.» So, no Oscar then.

«Whatever,» Alex seemed to lose interest as quickly as he obtained it, like with everything else in his life. He glanced on the wall clock and got reminded of the time, then pushed Izzie in front of him while heading for the front door. «Crap, we're late. Bambi already left. Let's roll!»

Meredith grabbed a piece of baked goods from the counter and threw on her coat before locking the main door behind her. She was already outside when she realized she still had the coffee mug from the kitchen in her hand.

The two other interns gave her a concerned look. Meredith stared back. «What? Izzie's covered in flour and _I'm_ the weirdo?»

They looked at her even more concerned, and she got even more annoyed. «Jeez, it's just a damn coffee mug. I'll bring it back!»

Alex waved his hands in front of them. «Shut up about the damn mug, Mer. Where the hell is your car?»

Meredith turned towards the empty driveway. «Oh.»

_Well, this is going to be an interesting day..._

* * *

Stumbling out of the locker room one cab drive later, the three of them were a couple of minutes late for rounds. They rushed towards George and Christina who was already with Bailey, and the latter one had a less satisfied look on her face.

«Sorry, Dr. Bailey, we ran into some car trouble...», Meredith was humble as a child but seemed to get no sympathy from the resident who just shook her head and started walking as a cue for them to follow.

Christina was complaining about Burke, more specifically Burke's hand, and the lack of information she had due to them still not talking. Meredith tried to focus on the rant but was kind of occupied scanning the hallways for any signs of redheads. She had no plan for how to react if she saw one, though it wasn't really a question about _if_, but _when_. She knew the rounds would cover Addison's ongoing case with Molly and the baby, which also meant Meredith had to deal with Susan on top of everything else today.

Christina punched her lightly in the arm, which snapped her out of considering to pull the fire alarm, just so she could flee the scene.

«Hey, could you ask Derek about Burke's hand? He would definitely tell you, as he might think doing you favors would get him back into your pants again.»

Meredith sighed at her friend. «Christina, come on. You know we're not really talking much these days... And by the way, he can do me as many favors as he wants, my pants stay on.»

«Yeah, right!» Alex supplied from the side, and it made the others chuckle lightly. Meredith rolled her eyes at them and opened her mouth to defend her honor, but was shut down by Bailey who turned and gave them a glare of daggers. Only Bailey could straighten Alex out in a split second, a trait that Meredith warmly welcomed today.

Izzie lowered her voice to Christina, «You know, you could always just swallow your pride and ask him yourself.»

«Her gut's not big enough for that.» And there was Alex, being a smartass again. This time it went under Bailey's radar, and they all failed to hold back the chuckles. Christina, on the other han d, was not as amused.

* * *

O'Malley, check. Burke, check. Douglas, check. Meredith got this far through rounds with her professional dignity intact, despite having eyes in the back of her head half of the time. No fire alarms were pulled and no strokes were faked, and it was really more than she expected of herself. There was still no sign of Addison, which created ghastly suspense for what was coming next.

It was time to head over to the NICU and Molly's baby. It was like preparing herself to take a stroll to Mordor. She appreciated the possibility to hide in the crowd of her colleagues, and as soon as they had geared up with medical gowns they stepped into the NICU and gathered around the incubator with Molly's baby inside.

It was awful to see this tiny struggling human connected to all the cords, niece or not, but it was a comfort knowing that she for sure was in the best hands. The person with the best hands was not there yet, and Meredith's lesser hands were already sweaty from clinging to the chart Bailey just handed to her, trying to make sense of the information on it. So much for hiding in the crowd.

The doors opened and in walked Addison, confident and collected as usual, as if she didn't have a care in the world. She went directly up to the incubator without even sensing the troubled elephant in the room, previously known as Meredith Grey.

Maybe she didn't remember everything from last night. Or maybe she wanted to forget. Or maybe she just didn't care much about it.

Addison rested her hands at her sides and spoke while keeping her eyes on the newborn. «Alright Dr. Grey, what have we got?»

Meredith hesitated for a couple of seconds, due to the fact that even in a fucking disposable gown Addison managed to look like a million dollars. With perfectly laid make-up and her hair elegantly set up in a hair clip, she did not at all look like someone who's had a drunken and messy elevator hookup only hours earlier. Of course, she didn't - she was Addison Forbes Montgomery.

The lack of immediate response made the redhead look up at her, and their eyes met for the first time since Addison reminded her of how wet she was.

Looking up, a piece of hair fell at Addison's cheek and framed her lips, granting attention to the dignified shade of lipstick she was wearing. Meredith was sure it was the same lipstick she had smudged at her neck when she woke up this morning. She could swear she saw Addison swallow hard as if she knew what went on in Meredith's mind, making her incredibly aware of how extremely inappropriate she was being. So she forced herself to get her shit together and opened her mouth.

«Laura Grey-Thompson. Born four days ago with Jejunal Atresia. Corrected surgically. Post-op course-»

And as if the day was not close enough to a fucking David Lynch plot already, into the NICU stumbled no other than Thatcher Grey.

«Oh, I'm sorry. Am I interrupting? Her mom and grandma have the flu. They asked me to get an update.»

Meredith fell silent and stared emotionless at the man who she referred to as her father. This was just all too much, she did not have the capacity to deal with this one today. Fortunately, she didn't have to either, as Thatcher naturally addressed Addison for a response. After all, she was their doctor. And Meredith was only his daughter.

«Oh, she's doing very well Mr. Grey. We'll be out of here in just a minute.»

_Aaand this is your cue to leave. Please leave._

«Dr. Grey, you were saying?» Bailey interfered, but Meredith was busy giving mental directions to the dumbfounded man she shared DNA with.

_Seriously, leave._

«Excuse me, I'll just come back later.»

_Great. By the way, your daughter might be a lesbian, howboutdat?_

«Grey?» Bailey tried to get her attention again, but Meredith was lost in her own despair. She snapped back when Christina grabbed the chart out of her hands and continued the presentation of the case. Story of her life, she figured.

* * *

Addison rushed out of the NICU and left the Armageddon of a case presentation behind. She had to get out of there, away from the damn interns and their terrible lack of focus. Why the hell would she do that, look at her like she just had her tongue down her throat. Maybe because it was true, but still, Meredith should know better. She should know better than to think about the feeling of their bodies pressing together, and the taste of sweet soft skin, and the sight of lustful eyes begging for more. And how the smell of their scents intertwined still rested on her skin when she fell asleep last night.

In an effort of ripping off her gown to throw it out, it got stuck somewhere at the back, making the operation way less smooth than she planned for it to be. With her face half-covered in her scrub shirt and her arms stretched over her head, trapped in disposable polypropylene, Addison tumbled to the side and slammed her hip hard against an equipment cart. It hurt like a motherfucker, and when she finally won the battle against the material surrounding her, she was flushed and pissed but pleased as punch over the fact that no one had witnessed her little meltdown. _Damn interns._

As she approached the nurse's station she observed Mark parade away from a clearly annoyed Alex Karev. It was a familiar look for interns who had just interacted with Mark, or actually, it was a familiar look for most people who interacted with Mark.

«Karev,» Addison addressed him short and professional and kept her eyes on the chart in front of her. She would make no space for any more inappropriate exchanges of looks or words, she needed to demolish whatever thing that had become a thing between them. Just in case there was any doubt left after rejecting his approach last night.

«He's an ass,» Alex grunted and scowled after the plastic surgeon.

«Ah, yes, and then there was something about this pot calling a kettle back...», Addison couldn't help herself, and she filed the comment under relatively unprofessional - but not the flirtatious kind.

Alex responded with a fake childish grin but judging by his deepening annoyance she knew it crawled under his skin and settled somewhere for later.

«Heard you went all personal with Meredith last night, by the way - I'm surprised you live to tell the stories,» He swiped his coffee from the counter and walked away, disturbingly similar to how Mark just did it.

Addison instantly felt the blood boil in her veins. _She didn't._ There was no doubt this time, no mixed feelings or contained emotions. This was pure anger, and she needed to fucking release it on the one person responsible for this shitshow.

* * *

Meredith walked back from the blood lab to check up on George's dad again, still very aware of her surroundings. Bothered, but not at all surprised, by the fact that there was now about a handful of people she could bump into in these hallways, who all made her stomach turn for very different reasons. And with odds like that, _of course_, one of them turned the corner in front of her. In an instant, she felt her pulse race and her mouth dry up, and it was impossible to not look straight into the blazing eyes coming towards her in an unexpected rush.

«Dr. Montgo-» Addison grabbed her by the upper arm and pulled her swiftly towards the supply closet next to them. Meredith was pushed inside and could hear the door lock behind her, and she was suddenly standing in semi-darkness surrounded by towels and bandages and what felt like a wildfire.

A baffled Meredith turned around to face Addison, but before she could say 'Planck' the skin on her cheek was burning. She instinctively pulled her hand up to her face, and it took her a couple of ragged breaths to realize what just went down.

«Whatthefuck, Addison?!»

* * *

«No! What the fuck, _Meredith_! Gossiping with Karev about last night's conquerings?! Thought you could have a little fun with it? That is just _fucking_ low - even for you, Grey!»

Addison was gesticulating like a madman, but her limbs were not capable of demonstrating the vast thunderstorm that had built up inside her. She was not sure what she was more furious about; the fact that the whole hospital would know about them in a matter of speed of sound, or that she actually had imagined that last night was a bit more significant than being silly breakfast slander at the intern's house.

She was embarrassed deep into her bones, and this truly was a rare feeling for Addison. Plenty of stupid choices in her past aside, it had rarely stripped her of all self-respect like this woman in front of her had managed to do.

«Are you insane?» Meredith moved her hand from her face and held it questioningly out in the open air in front of her.

Addison could see that the impact of her hand had left the younger woman with a red mark on her cheek, but was too frantic to feel guilty about it.

«Well, _obviously_ I'm not the only one! Do you have any idea how bad this looks? Telling people about what happened?», Addison hissed back.

Meredith shot up the other hand to join her in a defensive gesture. «I did no such thing! I told Alex you were grilling me about my family history, because of the case! It's not like he didn't notice us sitting together at Joe's! What the fuck was I supposed to say?!»

And as a wave that breaks over the shore and pulls every sandcastle in its reach with it, Meredith's words rinsed away whatever pride that was left in Addison.

«Oh.»

Meredith was unreadable. Unreadable, but very visible despite the little amount of light surrounding her. Addison could recognize her as confused, lost, and bruised. By her past, by her loved ones, and now also by Addison. Still, she was so profoundly beautiful standing there in her loose scrubs, and it hurt so fucking bad to see her like this, knowing it was partly her fault.

Addison swallowed hard and took a step forward. «Shit, are you okay?»

«What do you think?!» Her response was rough and cold, and it made Addison flinch in discomfort.

«I am _so_ sorry. I kinda lost it there - Karev was saying these things, and I was sure you had... I just thought... I'm sorry, Meredith." While she was stuttering poor excuses for herself, trying to keep her voice steady, Addison took another step towards the silent woman in front of her. She scanned Meredith's face and body language for signs of whatever reaction would come next and prepared herself for anything between hell and deeper down in hell.

«Do it again.»

Addison froze in confusion. «What?»

Meredith took a step closer. «Do it. Again.»

Addison inhaled. «Meredith… It wasn't-» She was cut off.

«But it felt pretty good, didn't it?»

Addison observed a dark twinkle in the other woman's eyes, and combined with a small sly smile, she almost looked like she took pleasure in their argument. She could instantly feel heat bleed out of her pores, as it literally made Addison burn on the inside. And even if her life would depend on it, she could not explain or defend what happened next.

She swung her open hand against Meredith's cheek - again. This time the sound of skin against skin silenced everything around them, and the encounter forced Meredith's head to shift a little to the side. The world stopped spinning in its place and the air thickened around them with unknown matter.

Meredith turned her head slowly back to face Addison, and her eyes were darker than she had ever seen them before. «Thanks... Now I get to do this.»

In a blink of an eye, Meredith rushed into Addison's personal space and shoved her hand around the base of her neck while pushing her back until she hit the door behind her with a perfect amount of force. Enough to rattle her to the core, but not enough to really hurt her. Meredith tightened the grip at her neck, making Addison instinctively grab her wrist. She almost couldn't breathe, and even if the grip wasn't really that tight, there were a thousand other reasons why breathing was challenging at this moment. Meredith pressed her body hard against her, and Addison's heart rate was blowing through the roof. It was absurd how this smaller woman could have such strength in her, but it was also not surprising at all.

The feeling of Meredith's body pressed against hers made her insides crumble and her senses decay, and the awareness of their bodies grinding together at the slightest movement made Addison's arousal settle in each and every corner of her being.

Meredith leaned in and whispered against her lips, «So now that we have that out of our systems...», and then she released some of the tension in her grip. This made Addison tighten her own grip around Meredith's wrist and she took control of her hand under a piercing stare.

Addison filled her lungs with much-needed air and then slowly led Meredith's hand down between their bodies. Their gaze got more intense, and it was undeniably filled with all kinds of anticipations and promises from both sides. Body parts were forced to make room for their hands to pass between them, all the way down in the middle of Addison's clothed breasts and over her abdomen, until they reached the hem of her scrub shirt. Said shirt was then pulled up an inch leading to delicate skin being exposed and in reaching distance.

Their breathing escalated at the feeling of skin meeting, making their visions hazy with lust. Addison continued leading Meredith's hand behind the fabric of her scrub pants and elegantly slid them under her panties, until she had her hand placed right where she wanted it; cupping the damp well-groomed curls at her center.

Addison then released her grip and removed her hand, inviting Meredith to continue on her own. Meredith held her hand completely still on top of her growing arousal for a couple of everlasting seconds, before she let two fingers gracefully slide into Addison's wet folds.

It could only be described as sensational, making them both inhale heavily at the feeling. Addison threw her head back in pleasure and let out an uncontrolled moan, forcing Meredith to quickly move her free hand up to cover Addison's mouth.

«Ssh…» Meredith whispered against her own hand on top of the older woman's lips, before moving the middle finger and ring finger on her other hand to carefully and gently slide up and down Addison's soaked slit.

The redhead licked the inside of Meredith's hand, mirroring the same slow pleasing movement she felt at her wetness. And as Meredith applied pressure on each side of her clit, and then rubbing over it making her fingers meet on top of her most sensitive spot, Addison bit down at the skin inside Meredith's hand, releasing a moan from the one who had her mouth uncovered at the time.

Addison pushed Meredith's hand away from her mouth and went in to capture her lips with her own, making the two doctors crash their lips together for the second time in the past twenty-four hours. It made perfect sense of course, as it was the only way for them both to turn each other's moans into deep soundless vibrations in their mouths instead.

Meredith's hand went from covering her mouth to rest on her hip, tugging and clutching at fabric and skin, whatever was available under her hand. She grasped at Addison's sore spot from her confrontation with the equipment cart earlier, and it was kinda biblical that one hand served her with that amount of pleasure, while the other now sent waves of pain into the mix. It was the perfect metaphor for their whole arrangement. _Damn interns._

Tongues were twisting and tasting, while Meredith's hand was exploring and twirling Addison's clit under her fingers, dipping them at her opening every few seconds to rub her wetness all over her vulva. She stroked her in the most teasing manner, relieving and applying pressure all around her gentle parts as if it was an award-winning artwork of a painting she was creating with her fingers.

Addison's hands were entangled in dirty blonde hair, and every time she pulled back from the kisses to get a refill of oxygen, she opened her eyes just to remind herself that it really was Meredith that was pressed against her with swollen lips and flushed cheeks - one cheek more than the other, for obvious reasons - touching her in the most satisfying ways. The physical feeling of a woman's touch had always been more than enough to turn her on beyond reason, but the reminder of it actually being _Meredith_ fucking _Grey_ panting at her skin, was pretty damn close to maddening.

Meredith had now moved her mouth to Addison's neck, soothing the same skin she had held in a tight grip earlier. She was placing wet kisses and making trails with her tongue, sucking the skin on both sides of her neck, making Addison willingly shift her head from side to side. She then suddenly bit down on one spot, simultaneously as she moved her two fingers to barley dip inside her inviting opening and added her thumb to flick gently at her clit.

It drove Addison to the point of no return, almost losing herself at the intern's touch. The bite was definitely going to leave a bruise, but she guessed she had it coming after serving Meredith a red welt at her cheek.

While bucking her hips against Meredith's hand in desperate need for more pressure and more of Meredith inside her, Addison could recognize the sound of a pager going off in the distance.

«Oh, _fuck_!», she protested generously in a heavy sigh when she realized what would have to happen next.

Meredith quickly pulled her hand out of Addison's scrub pants and stepped away to calm herself down in heavy breathing. She instantly went for the door to sneak out behind Addison, which made the older woman tumble a bit to the side, struggling to keep her balance. The dirty blonde unlocked and opened the door, but halfway through she leaned back and looked at the very dazed and frustrated redhead beside her.

Meredith put her hand to her mouth and ran her tongue over the fingertips that were still covered in Addison's juices. She reached out and grazed the same fingers over Addison's lips. «I'd love to. But I gotta run.»

And then she was gone.


	6. Six

A/N:

I have no good excuse for why this update took me so long to finish. It was a bit of a struggle, but I hope those who have waited are still hanging around. Please let me know what you think! Much love to you all in this crazy world.

* * *

Meredith stumbled into the patient room that she had been paged 911 to, only to find Christina Yang standing there with something in her hands that from a distance only could be described as brown and furry.

«What took you so long?» Christina challenged Meredith's confused look with an annoyed one.

«Who's dying?» Meredith had to rest her hands on her hips to catch her breath due to running through the hallways and leaping up the stairs from one floor down. There were also other redheaded reasons as to why she was breathing heavily, but that fact was buried in favor of decoding what was going on in front of her.

«Well, it wouldn't have mattered anyway. With that response time they would have been drinking tea with their maker already,» Christina deadpanned.

«Christina! What's goin-» Meredith was interrupted by Christina shoving the brown and furry object into her hands, and upon closer look, she could identify it as a stuffed teddy bear.

«Listen. As you know, I'm a genius. And this genius has a plan.» Christina spoke with her usual confidence.

«You have a plan? You paged me 911 because _you have a plan_?» Meredith asked with bothered hesitation, still staring at the teddy bear in her hands.

It was staring back at her now, with oversized black plastic eyes that she could see her own distorted reflection in. It quickly went from being cute, to being creepy as fuck. So she instinctively moved her hands holding the teddy bear further away from her body, in fear of it jumping up and going for her jugular. As it definitely would have done, if this was a horror movie.

The day had been bizarre enough, she figured.

Christina sighed and went over to the bedside table and picked something up from it. «_Yes_, I have a plan. Now, will you shut up and focus?»

Meredith moved her stare slowly from the fluffy potential killing machine and over to Christina's seriousness, narrowing her eyes in confirmation and curiosity, but with a hint of 'spill the beans, my patience is thin'.

«So, you don't want to ask Derek to ask Burke about his hand. So I figured, we have to be creative,»

«_We_...?» Meredith couldn't help herself.

«Mer!» Christina snapped back. «Can you let the genius do the talking?» The rhetorical question left no space for a reply.

«In about 15 minutes, Derek is going to visit Burke for a check-up, and they will for sure talk about the state of his hand,» Christina slowly walked over to Meredith with the item from the bedside table.

«And _this_,» She waved a gift card in front of Meredith's face, «is the very cool 3-dollar-invention from the hospital gift shop that's gonna give me the information I need, and by extension, also my victory.»

Meredith was still looking questioningly at her friend, but with no intention to open her mouth, in fear of being struck by that very same friend.

«You see, with this little button right _here_, you can record a voice message that automatically plays when the card opens,» Christina had excitement written all over her face now.

«So what's gonna happen, is that _you_ are going to give Burke a little surprise visit in about 17 minutes and be all '_oh my dearest Preston, I got you this cozy little fella to keep you company in your time of recovery, you are so great and get well soon blablabla_' and some other similar crap, and then you are going to press _this_ button and place it on the dresser in his room. Derek will come for his check-up and he will make you leave the room, y'know, since you're not the Brady Bunch power couple anymore and practically hatin' on each other instead,»

Meredith was about to interfere, but Christina demonstratively held up her hand to stop her from ruining her speech again.

«What happens next is that Burke will tell him all about his hand and _voilà_, I got what I need - _literally_ on the record. I will sneak in later and retrieve the card while he's sleeping.»

Christina handed Meredith the card with a smug grin on her face and simultaneously took a bow as if grand applause was awaiting. It was the bow of a winner.

«My condolences...?» Meredith read out loud from the front of the card.

«Oh, screw that,» Christina huffed, «It's not like he's going to read it anyway, it's a pretty lame gesture.»

Meredith inhaled.

«Christina Yang. You know I love you. And despite the complete absurdity of this idea, I am actually somewhat impressed by your efforts,» Meredith handed the teddy bear and card back to her friend and continued, «But this is stupid. And I'm pretty sure it's illegal too. TALK TO HIM.»

Christina, looking down at the furry creature now in her own hands, was biting her bottom lip.

«You're right,» her posture dropped in disappointment, «There's no way Burke is going to believe that _you_ would do something like that. I mean, to give him a warm and fuzzy get-well gift... Damn. Why do you have to be all dark and twisty?», she complained while tossing the teddy bear and card in the trash can next to them.

«Yeah. _That_ is what was wrong with this plan…» Meredith sighed and put her arm on Christina's shoulder and gestured her out of the patient room.

«For sure. So now you owe me 3 dollars. Plus 29 more, for the stupid bear. Which means you're buying me lunch... And what the hell happened to your face?», Christina looked up at Meredith, scrutinizing her still very red cheek.

The question came down like a wrecking ball into Meredith's gut, and she felt panic settle in all of her limbs. It was as if the adrenaline in her body had completely suppressed the memories of the last half hour.

Flashes of the events with Addison in the supply closet rushed to her mind, and it instantly made her shiver with arousal. What the hell had she been thinking? And how the hell did she even have the audacity to be doing all of _that _with all of _her_? Sober. At work.

These were questions still unanswered, but for now, she needed to get a grip on herself. She had completely forgotten about the physical evidence from their encounter, and she needed to act fast.

«You see that stairwell door over there? The one I had to rush through on my way up to your so-called 911 page?» Meredith nodded towards the stairs, knowing very well that her response was coming awfully late.

«Yeah?» Christina responded expectantly.

«I didn't.» Meredith replied as casually as she could manage, despite her nerves being held in a tight grip.

After a few seconds of silence, Christina bursted out in a laughter that filled the whole hospital hallway, making everyone in their surroundings stare at them.

Meredith couldn't help but chuckle along while they were walking in the direction of the cafeteria, mostly in relief of not being caught in the big fat cliché of a lie. But also because she realized that the truth would probably have created the exact same response from her friend.

Contemplating on changing her direction towards the psych ward instead of the cafeteria, Meredith pushed her elbow in jest into a still laughing Christina, while soothing the skin on her cheek with her other hand.

The very same hand that was still covered in Addison Montgomery.

* * *

One foot in front of the other. And repeat.

Addison had finally managed to suck it up and sneak out of the supply closet. It was about damn time, as the right side of her face were seconds away from merging with the door, in attempts to track the sounds of people walking by. At a moment of silence, she went for it, reciting to herself that a doctor coming out of a supply closet in a hospital would be no reason for anyone to call the press. On the other hand - what was left of her smudged lipstick and the messy hair that refused to retreat, was probably plenty of reason for the grapevine to start whispering.

_Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck._ It went on like a raving symphony inside Addison's head.

She was balancing more than she was walking, gripping tight at the random items in her lab coat pocket that she had snagged from the shelf next to the door in the supply closet. She felt dizzy, and as in denial as her brain was, she blamed it on the lack of food in her system. The fact that the lightheadedness was identical to what she felt throughout her whole conversation with Mark outside her hotel room last night, was merely a coincidence. _Of course._

Ungraciously moving through the hallway, she was using every passing reflective surface as mirrors to make herself look less newly devoured.

Had she completely lost it? Her mind voted 'yes', but her body voted 'more'.

She slapped her.

She was knee-deep in agony. But she was not drunk. And she was not dreaming. And she was pretty sure she was not the one who made the first move back there. But she was definitely in on it. Co-responsible. An accomplice. Willingly so.

She slapped her twice. _Jesus fucking Christ._

Addison disposed herself of the pile of plastic syringes in the nearest bin she found, instantly feeling guilty for throwing out perfectly usable hospital equipment. Worrying about hospital finances was the closest her brain came to a distraction, so she invited the worry and guided herself towards the elevators in search of a proper meal at the cafeteria, hoping it would take away the edges of the limbo she was in.

As the elevator doors were closing, a hand jammed between them and forced them to slightly open again. The hand was followed by half a body, then the other half of a body, which finally led to one complete Dr. Derek Shepherd stepping inside.

«Dr. Montgomery,» he made a point of greeting her without his name attached. He seemed surprisingly chipper and settled himself beside her with his arms wrapped around a chart at his chest.

A nod and a half-smile were really not where they were at in their relationship right now, but living up to social etiquette with ex-husbands was not furthest up on Addison's priority list at this moment. _Especially_ not ex-husbands whose ex-girlfriends had just had their hand inside her panties in a supply closet.

«I'm heading up to check on Preston. Looks promising,» he said while pointing towards the obvious floor button since Addison stood closest to the panel on the wall.

Derek had never been hesitant of stepping up in awkward silences, and it was one of those situations where his confidence came to benefit everyone around him. Annoying as hell, but she would have lied if she hadn't admitted being rescued by that trait more than once in the past. In _their_ past.

«Fantastic.» Three syllables and no eye contact was all she had to offer, and anyone would have interpreted that response as being sarcastic. It wasn't really, it was good news of course.

«Are you okay? You seem… preoccupied?», another quirk of confidence by Dr. Derek Shepherd; he also had no problem aiming straight for the center of awkward situations and twisting his knife-like questions around.

«No, I'm okay,» she answered that one a little too quickly and with a little too much effort.

«I'm sorry if this is weird for you,» Derek offered while carefully stretching his arm across her personal space. He reached towards the button panel since Addison and her failing motor skills never did him the favor. «It really doesn't have to be.»

She swore to remember that line. In case she needed to say it back to him one day.

_You have no idea._

Of course, he would make it about him. Well, to be fair, it was about him. Just not in the way that he thought. The sudden feeling of guilt settled in the pit of her stomach, and it was a familiar feeling in his presence.

Addison forced a half-hearted smile back to the man she used to share a bed with, still desperately avoiding eye contact.

«It's fine, Derek. I'm fine. It's just... case stuff.»

He nodded in compliance. She appreciated his efforts to let it go, even though she could see right through his hesitation.

She thought she was done feeling guilty. After Derek fled the state and got himself a girlfriend despite still being married, and then again after what happened with that same girlfriend on the night of the prom. She really thought she was done with the guilt.

Yes, Addison cheated first. And he probably still insisted that he had some sort of 'free pass' to be an ass and to do what he did, because of what she had done first. She could live with that. She could live with him hating her for that. She kind of hated herself for that, too. But the corrosive guilt that had slowly started to shape her existence, she had left that one behind in his trailer when she was packing up her things to leave.

She had no problem walking away from it, and it was not something she had missed. But now, it was standing right there on the doorstep to her soul, scratching on the surface and waiting to take her down to the cold cavernous depths of self-loathing again.

«The soap worked?» He was looking at her hand now, and where her rings had left her with a pale mark on her finger.

She glanced down at the constant reminder of her failed marriage and pushed her hands instinctively inside the pockets of her lab coat.

«Yeah. I threw them off a ferry boat.»

He released a small huff under his breath, and she could not decipher his reaction as being amused or insulted. She could not decide which one she would prefer either.

The elevator doors opened at his destination.

«Well, I guess that's what they call _poetic justice_,» Derek said while stepping out of the elevator.

He turned towards her, and with a subtle smile of approval, he cracked her guilt-ridden heart wide open for the whole world to see.

«Good for you, Addison.»

She wanted to scream. She wanted to confess. She wanted to pack up all of her things, leave a sticky note in Webber's office, and disappear into another dimension.

* * *

«Numbskull over here got this,» Christina swooped away from the cashier with her loaded lunch tray and left Meredith to pay for both of their lunches. She concluded that both the dollars and the nickname were a pretty fair price to pay for getting away with a mighty cheap lie, so she swiped her credit card without hesitation and followed Christina towards the table where their friends sat.

«Guys, _please_ tell me that someone knows how to get a hold of the CCTV up on fourth, we might have a ten grand prize waiting for us over at America's Funniest Home Videos», Christina shouted across the room on their way over, not able to contain her amusement in between her words.

Meredith met curious looks with a heavy eye roll while taking her seat at the table. She figured Christina would just need to get it out of her system, and soon there would be other fuck ups more interesting for her best friend to mock.

While poking her food with a plastic fork, Meredith listened to an overexcited recap of her made-up meeting with the stairwell door, followed by complaining over Burke, that ultimately turned into annoyed grumbling about George and his silent treatment. Christina was a bundle of charming today.

Somewhere between chuckles and another one's effort to ward off Christina by pointing out that George was not present to defend his honor, Meredith disappeared into her own head and stayed there.

It was safer there, for now at least. Her thoughts went like a ping pong ball between right and wrong and should have's and do not's. There was her reputation, her career, there was Derek, and then there was Addison and her gorgeous face and her soft skin, and fuck if she knew what to do.

Then again, if Meredith Grey was not caught in the aftermath of questionable moral decisions, who was she really?

The only thing she was certain of was that she probably should have washed her sins off of her hands before eating. Literally _and_ figuratively.

She had been dealt a terrible hand. Each one of the cards might have been hand-picked by herself, but together they formed a disaster. For sure, you could end up winning with a shitty hand, but this was _not_ poker. And there would be no winners, only a possibility for minimal damage for everyone involved.

Because they might just forget about recent events and go back to co-existing on each side of Derek Sheperd's romantic timeline. They had gotten pretty good at ignoring obvious tension and awkwardness in the past, they could probably do it again. After all, they were professionals. And professionals don't let their feelings get the best of them, right?

As she moved her gaze from her food and up to reality, she met a pair of intense eyes burning their way into the deepest darkest corners of her being from across the room.

_Addison and her gorgeous fucking face._

With a snap, a part of Meredith's plastic fork broke off and escaped between rice and unidentified sauce.

No better metaphor had ever existed.

An accident waiting to happen. Synthetic waste entering her body unnoticed and tearing her up from the inside. Toxic substances searing into her conscience and stabbing at her principles.

It's all fun and games until it's suddenly choking her and leaving her breathless on the floor.

She took a new bite without looking away from the other woman.

Yeah, no way they could ever go back.

* * *

Meredith's reaction revealed that she had not noticed Addison entering the cafeteria together with Callie about ten minutes ago.

When Addison literally ran into Callie on her way out of the elevator, she had no excuse but to take Callie up on her offer of lunching together. It was food that was on her agenda anyway, and she figured she could use a human shield as protection from making more stupid decisions, or simply as an alibi for staying busy.

And it worked. Callie would not shut up about Erica and their night out, despite her best efforts. Every time she did a shift in topic, some reference pulled her back to last night and something Erica had either said or done. Addison didn't mind, it was the perfect distraction. However, it was kind of painful to see her friend in such utter denial.

Unlike Meredith, Addison had noticed the dirty blonde the second they turned the corner of the cafeteria. To Addison's advantage, they were coming up from behind where Meredith sat, giving them a smooth transition into one of the booth tables in the corner.

Addison had just finished her sandwich when Meredith caught her staring. She felt her body tense up like a coiled spring when their eyes met, paralyzed by the distance seemingly shrinking between them. It was like a bad special effect from a low budget movie.

A tiny flicker passed over Meredith's face, as the first second of a match being lit before the flame calms in confidence. Seemingly inattentive of the conversations going on at her table, Meredith narrowed her eyes, and a tiny, almost unnoticeable curve formed on one side of her mouth.

Addison noticed. She refused to look away, and so did Meredith. It wasn't until the younger woman abruptly got up and hurried out of the cafeteria leaving a half-eaten plate of food, that their stare broke.

One by one, the rest of the interns' pagers went off as well, forcing them to join Meredith in what looked like a grim race to get picked first to obsess over someone's tragedy. Addison could barely remember those times, scratching out eyes and pulling off hair in a fight to get in on the best surgery.

Busting herself in rooting for Meredith to cross the finish line first, she mentally punched herself in the face.

_Damn interns._

As neither she nor any other attending in the cafeteria had their pager screaming at them, it was probably just Bailey calling the interns down to yell at them for messing up paperwork or something.

«Did you hurt yourself?»

Callie's voice pulled her out of her thoughts, nodding towards the red mark at Addison's neck.

Addison curled her napkin into a ball and threw it lightly onto the tray on their table.

«Bite mark. Hot intern.»

«Hah! Right,» Callie snorted, «As if you are as morally corrupt as the rest of us...»

Addison smiled crookedly at her colleague while she collected her things to get up from her seat. She needed to get back to work and give herself a break from her thoughts.

«Yeah, you know me, I draw the line at adultery and madly expensive shoes.»

«God knows you've had your fair share of drama with department heads, though,» Callie whispered teasingly as she pointed her yogurt spoon at the redhead.

«See you around, Callie,» Addison scolded her playfully and walked away from the orthopedic resident's giggles.

Keeping her focus on the professional tasks that had piled up seemed to be easier planned for than accomplished. Halfway through the chart in front of her, Addison's mind wandered. Harmless fun, twisted revenge, lustful adventure, identity crisis, mental breakdown. By the end of the chart, she went back to the top to read it again. This time, maybe she would manage to process the content. _A girl can dream._

There was something about Meredith. She knew from their first handshake that there was something about Meredith Grey that made men stupid and reckless and curious, and Addison found it immensely bothersome that she was no better than any of them. Or, _she was_, but then again no.

It was like a gravitational pull, like a high she couldn't get down from. And their wordless exchange of challenge in looks and body language at the cafeteria suggested that Meredith wasn't unaffected by Addison either.

Maybe she was overreacting. They were both consenting adults, and they were both single. They were both women, obviously, but to Addison, that was not the most alarming factor.

Addison's guilt whispered reminders of her ex-husband's girlfriend. But going over it in her head, she realized that the female protagonist of the girlfriend-storyline presented itself more and more as a blur; an unknown character, someone she had never met. It was too weird to put Meredith's face into that story now.

_To hell with ex-girlfriends, and to hell with sticky notes._

* * *

As Meredith walked out of the hospital doors and into the night sky, a mild breeze hit her and wrapped itself around her in a comforting manner. It felt soothing at first, but the pleasant moment ended abruptly as she inhaled the mixed scents of cigarette smoke and parked cars with their motors still running. It never stopped to amaze her, the irony of how terribly polluted the air right outside hospitals always were.

She then drew a comparison between herself being a doctor and her ability to take care of her own health. Throwing down tequila shots until blacking out was not something that would be written on a doctor's note, so she forgave the irony of the situation and didn't want to put any more thought into it.

After the day she had been through, she was in great need of a shower, some sleep, and then some more sleep. She was exhausted. A detour by Joe's to wind down would be suitable. But as she had decided not to get herself into any more trouble, she aimed her direction towards the parking lot where she had left her car last night. Last night, before she _had_ gone to Joe's and gotten herself into trouble.

She felt pretty good about deciding against walking into that self-destructive trap again and praised herself for being a responsible grown-up. Then she frowned at the obvious exaggeration but decided to live on the lie for tonight at least.

That was until the very definition of trouble caught her eye about 20 feet in front of her.

The redhead was sitting on a bench by the sidewalk with one leg crossed over the other, staring into nothing. Her scrubs had been replaced by dark jeans, the classy kind, and a black coat that probably came from a high-end fashion store with a name that Meredith couldn't even pronounce.

Exhaustion turned into enthusiasm. Meredith hesitated at first, a bit surprised by her nerves pulling tricks on her. They had literally been consuming each other more than once already, so it was utterly absurd how she suddenly felt like a nervous teen asking her first crush for the direction to some made-up destination.

She dug out a piece of courage that was lurking in the back of her mind and walked up to the bench. Addison looked thoughtful where she sat, still unaware of company approaching. Meredith wondered if it would be dull of her to interfere, but now she was too close, and it would look even duller if she was caught sneaking away.

«Hi.»

Addison shifted her head towards the voice, and then her jaw kind of dropped a little, and her eyes flickered as if she unexpectedly walked into someone from her past that she hadn't seen in a long time. You know, these acquaintances that you never really know if you should nod at, or say hello to, or ignore, or stop and talk with.

Meredith immediately regretted approaching her, as the awkward first seconds flew by with syrup attached to them.

«Meredith,»

Her name falling from the redhead's lips was all it took to make Meredith not regret approaching her after all, and she felt a tingling feeling as her body reacted to the sound of her voice.

The last time she had recognized her name coming from those lips it was uttered in fragments under heavy breathing, and not really possible to hear unless one knew what to listen for. The thought of it was enough to send heat waves through her whole nerve system.

Meredith figured it was her responsibility to continue the conversation, after all, it was her fault they were in it in the first place. To restrain herself from starting to talk about the weather, she went for the next obvious thing on the small talk list.

«Done for the day?»

Addison shifted her body to align it with her head and put her arm to rest along the back of the bench. She was definitely picking up on the awkwardness of the situation, but was obviously not going to help.

«I am.»

Her response was calm and amicable. A soft breeze stroked Addison from behind, making a strain of hair caress her cheek in the most respectful way. It was ridiculous how sensual the image was.

«It's getting chilly these nights,» Dammit, she went there. Meredith was grasping at straws now.

«It is.»

Addison didn't even _try_ to help the conversation, and even if Meredith suspected that it was exactly what Addison was aiming for, she still felt a bit annoyed. Or just embarrassed. She didn't even know anymore, she wasn't the type of woman who usually did the approaching. This was new territory for her.

It's not that she was shy, or that she expected others to do it. She just usually didn't care enough to approach in the first place. If she was alone, that was fine. If someone approached her and they turned out to be alright, that was also fine. Nevertheless, she was used to being on the other side of the conversation, participating and smart-mouthing back, but not really in charge of it. Not while being sober.

She really should have gone to Joe's after all.

«Well, better get away from here before the hospital entrance can smell the sweet scent of time off,» Meredith calmly moved her body backward as a signal for walking away, but Addison slowed her down with a question.

«Are you walking?»

«Yeah,» and just before Meredith could add a 'to where I parked my car yesterday' to her response, Addison followed up with a second question.

«Can I walk with you?»

Meredith paused her movement and looked straight into the redhead's eyes. She would have expected to meet a look of insecurity or unease, but it was the complete opposite.

Addison confidently raised her eyebrows in anticipation. Not only was she giving back to the conversation now, but she was taking it to the next level. It was such an Addison thing to do. After Meredith had awkwardly squirmed her way through the conversation until finally accepting defeat, Addison swoops in with her prestige.

Meredith needed to stop assuming that this one had a timid bone in her body. Addison was playing to win, always.

«Well, do you have legs?»

Meredith let her nonchalant response hover between them for a couple of heartbeats. Unable to resist, she then offered a cheeky smile and accepted Addison's monumental eye-roll in response.

The older woman grabbed her purse from the bench and moved towards Meredith, who was walking slowly in direction of anywhere else but the parking lot.


End file.
